When I was 26

A year ago, I woke up in a quite different setting.

After a blurry night of trying to get rid of the nasty feeling of 25-lost-and-alone, I looked at the morning rays with a stranger. The stranger was exciting, new and confident. I was sure that the stranger would help me overcome the uncomfortable feeling. "Everything will be different", I thought.

And different it has been – not exactly the way I planned it though.

I have observed, listened, and felt unconditional happiness and love, as I have seen my friends and closed ones reaching their dreams and turning new pages.

I have blinded my eyes, shut my ears, and numbed myself, as I have experienced misery and pain too hard to handle around me.

I have worked worked worked. Sometimes so hard that I have forgotten why. I have travelled through time and borders. I have sat down and been quiet. I have ran. Ran away and towards the finish line.

I have laughed and cried. Been hopeless and desperate because of stupid things like being late or saying something embarrassing. I have been joyfull and optimistic when realizing that small things such as drinking wine with a friend are actually what makes everything great.

I have backed out and taken a leap of faith. I have told the truth and lied over the phone to my mother that everything is a-okay. I have been pretending.

And, little by little I have tried to get rid of the stranger.

This morning there was nothing exciting, only me, honest and plain, crying in her coffee cup. But these tears were no bad tears, although they were flavoured with a tiny bit of self-pity (after all, it is my freakin' birthday and I'm alone working for my stupid thesis).

These tears came from the realization that being sad is as good as being happy. Life can be a bitch and at times it is so wonderful that your heart almost cannot take it.

Therefore, today I have no expectations. Only thing I am sure about is that I don't need any strangers to make me happy. I can be just me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2DKxBdvEtuU