I used to think that "as long as you keep going everything will work out", "Just keep going".
It all started after I finished high school and decided to move to France, because I was totally lost with what I wanted to do. After about a year of searching and trying to integrate to another culture, I returned home and decided to pursue for journalism.
First I took the obvious way: university. Didn't get accepted. So I tried another way. And another, and another, and another...failures, disappointments, even some successes. "Keep going".
Working for free, studying, reading, working overtime for free, writing, doing workshops, brainstorming, moving, learning languages, networking, asking, working and getting paid, studying, listening, reading, moving, questioning, sending applications, calling, writing, listening, moving, trying harder. "Keep going".
After some years, I moved yet to another country to study more, to learn more, to open my eyes. Must stand out of the crowd. Working, reading, learning, studying, questioning, moving, working, learning, asking. "Keep going".
Our world has kept going on too. Catastrophes, wars, financial crisis, environmental crisis, food crisis, poverty, hunger, money, growth, branding, development, competition, unemployment, success stories. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Youtube. Laptops, smartphones, tablets, pads, pods, streaming, sharing, posting. Blogging, taking photos.
Photographers trying to get a living while shooting, filming, layouting, doing graphics, editing, even writing. Writers trying to do all the above and realizing that the thing you are best at suffers because you are asked to multitask and have no time to do anything properly.
Longtime professionals trying to fight against the prevailing, absurd copywrite policies in order to get paid as they should. Young professionals trying to compete with thousands of others, even work for free, to get the foot between the door and gain recognition in hoping that some day they make a living with what they love to do. "Keep going".
Are you feeling dizzy?
It has been eight years since I started this rollercoaster, and in a couple of months, I will end one chapter of my life knowing that I have absolutely no certainty what is going to happen in the next one. I am afraid.
I am afraid that I will remain unemployed. I am afraid that my capabilities are not enough and I should try harder. I am afraid that I am forced to learn how to multitask with all kinds of technologies and still be aware of what is going on in the world, in all the different forms of social media, and still look around, observe people and come up with unique ideas. "Keep going".
I am afraid that I am forced to make catchy headlines and write stories in an interesting and objective yet funny yet serious yet informative manner while knowing that newspapers and magazines are dying. Who's gonna read them anyways?
I am afraid and I am tired of keep going.
I want to take time to look around, to focus. I want to listen without having to think where I have to be in the next few hours. I want to investigate, re-read, question, evaluate and rewrite while I write. I want to write stories that have a message, a meaning, a purpose. I want to write stories that don't have to have catchy headlines just to get 100 000 clicks. I want work with professional photographers, layouters, and graphic designers who have time to do what they are best at without having to worry about hundred and ten other things.
I want to write stories that make both you and me stop.
