During the last couple of weeks I've done quite some searching: re-searching, stuff-searching, job-searching, school-searching, soul-searching...as a result, I actually feel more lost than before all the freakin' searching.
(By the way, I know that most likely the only reason you started to read this entry was because of the provokative title, which is kinda awesome, because it proves the true power of...)
Anyways, you know the feeling when you're compelled to look for something just for the sake of it? Maybe it is a job, a better car, truth about something that has been bothering you, or even a partner, a someone to love...And all this just because otherwise you would feel useless. Or maybe you're afraid to give an impression to others that you're just floating without a direction or a plan. Or that you lack knowledge. Funnily, when you finally find what you are searching for, you don't want to see it anymore. The idea(l) is more exciting than the real deal. You get what I mean?
Perhaps an example will elaborate better. A good friend told me about an interesting experience she had last week. She attended a workshop where women get the chance to really know their vagina. Yes, you read correctly. The idea is that instead of trusting general knowledge or being dependent on gynecologists or other doctors – who tell you what is best for you and your vagina – the women themselves will get to explore, gain information and find out what is literally inside of them. To most people this probably sounds either really hippy or pervert...or just weird. But when you think about it, it is actually quite astonihing that a 'thing' that is everywhere and on everyone's lips is at the same time such a taboo. I mean, there are so many women (needless to say how lost men are) who have never watched themselves, never masturbated or never found out how "a discovery of enormous significance to mankind" works. The quote is from a book The Anatomist by Federico Andahazi, and it tells about a 16th century physician, Mateo Colombo, who uncovers the clitoris. And, it is true, his finding is quite extraordinary – I mean, why else would so many be so intimidated by it?
So the question that follows; is it possible to find anything, if you are not ready to first find out who you are deep inside?
In a nutshell (connecting the abovementioned and my original point) I've come to the conclusion that before starting to search, everyone, including myself, should figure out two things:
(1) Do I know what I am searching for?
(2) Am I ready to really look what I found when I find it?
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