Since moving back to Finland after a long journey, my mind keeps spinning insanely fast rounds over and over for a reason I haven't been able to explain. You know this feeling, when you think that you need to think or if you don't think you think you need to do something.
I plan, I search, I browse through endless amounts of letters, words, sentences jumping up and down, back and forth. I read and try to keep track of the world but I am not focusing. I write, rewrite, structure, erase and then copypaste it all back again. Delete. Delete. Delete. Undo changes. Make a call, interact, talk to people, or better said – communicate. Be fun, be outgoing, take care of relationships.
This mass of information, coming-and-going, and blabla is getting too overwhealming. What is the point in all this?
On the surface someone might say that everything should be great with me and that I should just be satisfied with it. I have a palce to live, food to eat, a dream job (or at least at one point I thought it was), friends, family, education and good physical health.
But, still, somehow I feel there is something more to it.
It took me a random encounter with a stranger and a busdriver listening to classical music during the rush hour to get what is going on.
I used to read books, draw, sing, listen to music, sleep, cook and eat good food, breathe fresh air, be outside, be with people, be in the nature. I used to do things instead of writing about them on Facebook.
I need to find that person again and figure out what it is that I really want to do, who are the people I really want to be with, and what are the things that really matter to me. I need to shut the screens more often.
And I need to calm the fuck down.
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